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"Pretentious Pennies (well nickels and dimes)" - A Farewell to the Suburbs
Before I left Montclair, I decided to show my appreciation for one of the local drinking establishments, the Diva Lounge.
The Diva Lounge is this awful, pretentious place on Bloomfield Ave. Someone once described the place as NY prices, NY attitude, Bloomfield clientele. The place has a dress code, all the drinks are at least $7, you have to be 24 to enter, the staff has serious attitude problems, they have a cover on the weekends, and they have valet parking. Who the hell needs valet parking in a suburb? The place is trying to be super up scale and high class, but fails miserably without having a clue that it is failing. They are trying to attract the kind of people who would only hang out at a bar in Manhattan. Since the Diva Lounge is in Montclair, they have no chance.
The most amusing part of the pretentiousness is that the Diva Lounge shares a building with a check cashing store. The Diva Lounge redid the outside to be really nice and stylish, but they had to keep the check cashing sign up because they don't have the building to themselves. So right on top of their stylish design and Diva Lounge logo is a big sign saying "Montclair Check Cashing." Also, the place is about 2 blocks from the projects, granted these are Montclair projects.
The last time I had been there, they insisted on taking a credit card when we sat down. I guess this was in case we would run off without paying. How classy is that? Then when a friend of ours ordered a drink that required a blender, the waitress said, in a condescending tone, "This isn't TGI Fridays." "This isn't a real bar either," our friend responded.
Since I was moving, I decided I needed to get rid of all the nickels and dimes that I had in my room. Therefore, I put my change in a bag and went to the Diva Lounge with my friend Mary.
It was early on a Thursday and the place was dead. I walk in wearing shorts and sandals. They took one look at me and informed me that They have a dress code. I apologized and stated that I didn't realize I was out of sync with their venue's clothing requirements. However, I stated I merely wished to have a drink at the bar. They said they would let it slide this time, but not to let it happen again. Mary was wearing jeans and converse sneakers. I asked if my friend's attire was acceptable. They said that the jeans they could let pass, but next time not to wear sneakers.
We wandered over to the bar where Mary ordered a diet coke and I ordered a Guinness. We didn't pay immediately. We hung out and talked for awhile. Then, I brought out the bag full of nickels and dimes and started counting them into $1 piles on the bar. The bar tender joked that I needed the paper rolls. I smiled, asked him the total for the check, and started pushing piles of coins in his direction. He didn't know what to do at first. He started taking the money until the main hostess came along. She whispered in his ear and then he said to me, "You know what? We are going to buy your drinks tonight. Why don't you take your coins over to the bar around the corner, the DLV Lounge."
The bar he referred to is in an even less stylish section of town and is known for being a very Ghetto bar. Note that it is located only about a block away…
I tried to protest and informed the bar tender that if I was going to the bar around the corner, I would bring a $100 bill. He didn't seem to understand that I wanted to pay for my drinks using nickels and dimes. He was having none of it and insisted on giving us our drinks for free.
What I find amusing is that the Diva Lounge staff seems so caught up in their pretentiousness and delusions that they didn't get that I was making fun of them. They thought I was some poor slob who isn't classy enough for them and has to pay for things in nickels and dimes. Meanwhile, I live in Manhattan while they're trying to recreate Manhattan in Montclair. Good luck.
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