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"So Why Won't You Go Out With Me?"

"Mr. You-Could-Do-A-Lot-Worse"

Vaguely amusing ad rejected by Match.com as offensive.

Look, I know you are probably looking for Mr. Right, but let's face facts. You're not going to find him. Oh, I know, think positively and all that, but come on now. I know your momma told you not to give up on your dreams, but your mom was on crack. Let's live in the real world, there is no Mr. Right, or if there is, he's already taken. That's why you should just go out with me, Mr. You-Could-Do-A-Lot-Worse. I'm also known as Mr. Sure-Why-the-Hell-Not, Mr. He'll-Do-Until-Something-Better-Comes-Along, and Mr. Hey-At-Least-He's-Never-Been-To-Prison.

Look, sure I don't have any fashion sense, but look at it this way. You know I'm not gay. Look, sure my apartment is a mess, but look at it this way. At least I have one.

And don't go getting too high on yourself because I'm saying this. You're not exactly the girl of my dreams either. I mean you're no Natalie Portman, but at least you've never been in a movie as bad as "Attack of the Clones." Rather than Miss, or Ms if you prefer, Right, I like to refer to you as Miss. The-Best-I-Could-Get, or Miss. She'd-Be-Cheating-On-Me-With-My-Friends-If-I-Had-Any.

"Watch out, I drink Chamomile Tea"

A friend of mine said it sounded just like me, so I didn't use it …

I'm the one your momma warned you about. I drink Chamomile Tea. Yeah, You have to watch yourself around me baby, oh yeah, I play the acoustic guitar. Yeah, hardcore y'all. You want danger, come ride with me baby. I drive a '96 Toyota Corolla, yeah. Good times girl. I belong to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. You sure you're ready for someone who spends hours looking at ancient Greek vases? You want good times, fast times, I'm your man. I go to off off Broadway plays. Yeah boy, I like to go to Comedy shows. Uh huh. Oh yeah man, watch out, my favorite writer is William Faulkner baby. Watch out...