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"Turning Down an Offer."
My friend asked me to proofread a letter he was sending to turn down a job after he received a better offer. I thought it'd be funny to use it as a template for rejecting someone you've been dating:
Original version:
Carol,
Thanks so much for the note and the offer. I've really enjoyed meeting everyone on your team and this has been a very difficult decision for me to make. While I'm certain that I'd be very happy and successful working with your team at your company, I have, regretfully, decided to decline.
I'm sorry to have kept you waiting, but last Monday I completed a third round of interviews with Zbokth Systems and today they made me an offer. I'm joining Zbokth as a "Sales Engineer", a role which includes both travel and an entirely different set of challenges. It's a new role for me and I'm both excited and a little nervous about changing the course of my career.
Everyone who I met at your company impressed upon me what a great place it was to work, and I'm sorry that I won't be able to enjoy that. I appreciate your time, consideration and patience and I wish you the best of luck in your candidate search.
Sincerely,
Walker Davis
Altered version:
Carol,
Thanks so much for going out and sleeping with me these past few months. I've really enjoyed your company and this has been a very difficult decision for me to make. While I'm certain that I'd be very happy continuing to sleep with you and eventually giving you a ring, I have, regretfully, decided to decline.
I'm sorry to have kept you waiting, but last Saturday I met a really hot girl and today she made me an offer. I'm joining her in a "committed relationship", a role which includes better sex and an entirely different set of challenges. It's a new role for me and I'm both excited and a little nervous about it
You have impressed upon me what a great girl you are, and I'm sorry that I won't be able to enjoy that. I appreciate your time, consideration and patience and I wish you the best of luck in your candidate search.
Sincerely,
Walker Davis
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